Another week, another birthday

Trying out his new sleeping bag

 My little guy turned 2 this week!  I cannot believe it!  He quickly came into this world on a Saturday afternoon. Oh I can remember him as a newborn.  What a love bug!  He has brought our family so much joy.  He was a pretty mellow baby, although definitely a mama's boy, and he has turned into a crazy toddler.  Everyday he says more and communicates more.  Very often he knows what he wants and doesn't give up until he gets it.  Lately he has turned into quite the rascal.  It cracks me up. He has quickly figured out how to torment his sister and push her buttons.  It is funny to watch him copy her now too.  He has started fake crying (thanks, Montana) and saying "yewwww" when Aaron and I kiss (thanks, Montana).

Presents!

He is still so sweet.  I can hardly resist when he brings a book to me and shoves it in my face and says "read me" or when he grabs my hand and pulls me toward his toys and says, "play me". Melts my heart just thinking about it. He likes to sit on the counter and help me make breakfast.  There are days when I want to freeze him just as he is and other days I wish he was potty-trained.

His very own carrot cake

For his 2nd birthday we went to story time at the library.  He loves singing the songs and listening to the books. We had his friend Alec (and Alec's parents) over for an early dinner and cake.  It's so funny watching kids this age interact.  It usually takes Alec and Amos an hour or so to realize that the other one is there! Amos got legos and books and a sleeping bag for his birthday. We paused our moving, painting, and cleaning activities to celebrate our little guy.  We are so thankful for him and thrilled to have him in our lives.

We love you loads, Amos Pax!!

'tis the season

Oh my.  Where have the last few months gone?

Well first of all, I got a job. I am working at Trinity Western University at the Bellingham campus and I also taught 1 course (2 sections) at the campus in Canada.  It's been a whirlwind. Teaching was a hard, good, overwhelming experience.  I taught Introduction to Learning to adults returning to school to finish their BA.  I feel grateful for this opportunity, but I was so relieved once I finished grading and turned in all of my grades. Phew. What a load off.

Making gingerbread houses

And I finished up the class just in time....for Thanksgiving, Montana's birthday, Aaron's birthday, Amos' birthday, Christmas decorating and moving (again!). We are moving all the way across co-housing to a bigger unit as well as a permanent rental.  I really hope to not move around the holidays for a very long time!

But one of the most exciting things in the midst of this was Montana's 5th Birthday!!  She was very ready to turn 5.  We had a "tea" party with a few friends.  She was only supposed to invite a couple of friends, but when you live in community, small parties turn into larger ones! She asked for dessert for dinner. We indulged her with ice cream.  I tried to get her to eat soup for "dessert", but that didn't really work. I think she had a fun day.


Montana is so delightful.  She is articulate and smart and loves all things beautiful and sparkly. She has a tendency toward the dramatics, but can easily be distracted. She continues to love dress-up and begs to wear makeup (which she was allowed to do on her birthday).  She is constantly coming up with new scenarios for us to play.  "Pretend we're kitties." "I am a teenager, but a rockstar." She invites us into those games and her dad is so good at going there.  Her latest thing is praying for "everything in the universe, even the aliens." She and her little brother have been playing together more, which is such a delight to see.  They also fight more, which is not so delightful.  Amos pulls her hair, crawls on top of her, hugs her around her waist and doesn't let go, and on and on.  Sometimes I just stand back and laugh because it is so funny watching this little guy harass his big sister.

Montana goes to preschool twice a week.  This year she complains a bit more about going, but likes it when she goes.  Her teacher believes that she is very artistic and musical.  Montana is just a joy.  I can't believe 5 years ago, we were 2 new scared parents driving her home from the hospital. She teaches us so much, and stretches me and makes me face "my stuff". I love her for it.

Montana Faith: Happy 5th Birthday.  You are loved beyond words and Mom and Dad are so proud of you.

College

I miss college. I miss having friends down the hall and boys to talk about.  I miss going to class and working at the dining hall.  Life was simple. Everything was black or white. I had life figured out.

Perhaps that is why Aaron and I decided to volunteer for Young Life College and start a Biblestudy.  We certainly didn't need more activities in our lives, we have plenty of things to do already.  But we were missing college students. A lot. It's been awhile since we've hung out with college students.  Last Monday night we had our first gathering. I felt kind of old. But when I sat down and talked with the one girl who showed up, I knew this is exactly what we need to be doing.

She just got her first Bible a couple of weeks ago.  She doesn't know much about Jesus or Christianity, but she is so eager to learn.  It excites me to be thinking and talking about Jesus with fresh eyes. It's so easy to throw Christian-ese around and not connect with the meaning of it all. We have other students who are similar to me.  They grew up in the church.  They know the lingo.  It's going to be a wonderful challenge to walk alongside these students in their unique journeys of faith.

Not much has changed about college students.  Yes, they carry iphones and grew up on Harry Potter, but they are longing to belong. They have it all figured out, yet are so malleable. They are fun to be around and eager to learn. So much of life is ahead of them.

Yep, I miss college.

Trust your gut

I didn't know that in raising children there would be so many decisions.  Which preschool? When? Which activities? What will they like? Am I overstimulating them? When is a good time for the first sleepover? With whom? Should I let them watch another 20 minutes of tv? What about that show?  You get the point.  Perhaps I'm over thinking it or maybe I am not thinking enough....Arggggghhh.  And you tell me this is just the beginning?!?! 

I am a horrible decision maker.  I don't do well on the spot and I don't do well with loads of time to think. Often I just have to follow my initial gut reaction. And then sometimes I second guess my gut and make a "logical" decision that doesn't feel good and I later regret. I must sound a bit crazy.

And then sometimes I need to back pedal on something that I never decided to begin with. I never really thought about it. For example, we've let Montana watch the show "hannah montana".  At first, I thought it was no big deal. It was funny she liked the show and I thought it was cute because it was part of her name, but yesterday when I told her we had to leave the house she said, "I better take my phone in case my boyfriend calls."  What?!  Yeah, it's probably time to stop watching shows about teenagers.  How am I going to back pedal this one?

But you know what?  I am going to make bad decisions and my kids are probably going to make bad decisions too.  But i believe there is Grace that will cover us. I guess humans that parent humans are apt to screw up now and again. However, I want to make wise decisions and not over analyze everything to death and I think that means sometimes trusting my gut.

Ode to Amos

My son is 20 months. He is beginning to assert himself more and more and he and his sister are beginning to...ummmm....interact more.  Yes, interact. The other day I found myself at Fred Meyer talking on the phone planning a get together with a friend from out of town while my children fought in the shopping cart.  Hair pulling included. I ignored them.  Hoped it would go away. It didn't. Yes, we created a scene. And no, I did not really care.  I just wanted out of the store.

Oh, but wait, this was going to be a post about my sweet, lovable boy.  And yes, he is sweet.  He has started beckoning us to him by saying "c'mere" (come here). His favorite word is NO.  We like to test him to see if he knows what he is really saying.  Do you want ice cream? NO. Do you want to go to the park to play. NO.

He makes the cutest animal sounds. He especially likes to roar like a lion or a tiger or a bear. And he has recently taken to cars and trains.  It's so fun to watch him sit and line up the trains or park the cars. I have really tried not to push gender specific toys on my kids, but it's interesting to watch them engage in very different things. He has also recently discovered the sandbox at cohousing.  Montana played in it alot when she was his age and he loves it.  Buckets, shovels, trucks.  Who could ask for more? He hands me a bucket and asks me for "wa" so he can make the sand wet.

Oh I love my little guy.  He is long and lean and loves "Goodnight Moon". He can be snuggly and will often lay his head on my shoulder when we meet new people. But when he is comfortable with someone, he will flash a smile and say "hi"!

I have a love/hate relationship with this toddler stage.  It is so fun to watch him learn something new everyday.  He is so funny and energetic.  But I dislike this stage because it is so frustrating when he is trying to communicate and I just don't know what he wants. Or he gets frustrated and bites his sister. He is impossible to use logic with and likes to run away.  But he is still my baby.  Wears pajamas with feet in them.  Drinks a bottle while we rock him. And sleeps in a crib.

Here's to Amos. My adorable son.  My baby who will soon be driving his own car.  Did I mention how much he LOVES to sit in the driver's seat of our car?  It takes us longer to load and unload now because he wants to sit for a few behind the steering wheel. I try to take the time to indulge him and have often thought about locking him in there while I go do a load of laundry. Is that bad?

The good life...follow-up

I found this quote today from the book, Repacking your Bags, by Richard Leider and David Shapiro authors of one of my favorite books Whistle While You Work.

The good life is a choice to live in the place we belong, with people we love, doing the right work, on purpose.

Thoughts?

The good life

On a recent escape with my best friend

Aaron and I met when we were juniors in college.  The first conversation we had was about how we both longed to live a simple life. We had similar ideas of ideal priorities. Little did we know that 13 years later we would be doing life together with some of the same ideas. In some ways my life has turned out very much the way we envisioned, however, I would have never thought it would look quite like this.  But, really, how do we ever know nor would we want to know exactly what life will look like.

I just had a birthday and for some reason birthdays always bring reflection and evaluation of the year past as well hopes and desires for the year to come. I am so thankful for my life.  We live in a beautiful place, doing something that God has placed on our hearts.  We have supportive family and friends and healthy children. For now I stay mostly at home taking care of my kids and our home, indulging in soap operas and bon bons (haha...only kidding). I love telling people that we live in co-housing. It is easy to get annoyed and wish for more space and privacy, but at the end of the day, I love sharing life with my neighbors. It reminds me a bit of our team in East Asia, minus the common spiritual purpose.

I feel fortunate that most of my stress comes from having too many wonderful people in our lives and not having enough time or energy to give as much as I wish.  I also miss my family often and wish I could call my sister and go for a walk with our kids.

My birthday hike with a great neighbor and friend. I can't believe we live here

Life is good.  Life is full. I appreciate the things I have and the things I don't have and don't need. I don't want to take this season of life for granted. I am grateful and I want to embrace each day fully, even if it is just doing laundry, hanging out with my kids and neighbors, and cleaning the kitchen (again). I have an amazing partner and the older I get, the more I realize that we have something special.

So here's to the good life. When I am feeling crappy and overwhelmed, I somehow need to remind myself to come to this post and read it again and remember.

Feast

As I emptied my recycle bin the other day, I realized why I was feeling so tired.  I saw evidence of snacks, dips, and drinks we don't normally consume. And I was reminded of all of our delightful feasting this summer. Not just a feast on food, but on relationships.

I started June with a girls' getaway with some of my closest friends from college.  I flew BY MYSELF to Colorado where I spent a precious day alone with my mama, and then it was off to Boulder for a weekend of talking and eating and walking with my friends. It was so refreshing.

Then it was back to WA for a couple of weeks and then the 4 of us hit the road for 2 weeks.  We drove to SD and spent time with family there, which included a family reunion on my dad's side.  It was a special time of connection and play, and again lots of good food!

We took 4 days to drive home and squeezed in a slight detour to my sister's new house in Laramie, Wyoming and then back through Idaho and Washington wine country. Wow.  Eastern Washington is hot, but I want to go back soon!

We were home for one week of catching up and prepping for the next round of fun...Aaron's whole family came to visit us for a week!  What fun to be able to show them where we live and the amazing things here.  Their trip included a 3 night stay with everyone in Pt. Townsend and we even had enough sunshine to play in the water. I am thankful for such fantastic in-laws!!

Last week our feast of family and food came to an end.  I am tired, but a good tired. 

Summer Road Trip

Our annual summer road trip to South Dakota was wonder-full. Full of family, full of sun, full of fun.  Here is my whole family celebrating my dad's 60th birthday.  A few days before we all ran a 10K in honor of him. I feel so blessed by this amazing quirky family. 

 

 

Uniquely her

A child comes into this world as his/her own little person, ready for molding. In the nature vs. nurture debate, I am completely on the fence. It's both. The way we raise our children and the experiences we provide for them definitely shapes them. But I also know that our children are born with unique personalities, quirks, and gifts.  Society also manages to get a hold of our children's young minds and plays an influential role as well. So, between our quirks (as parents), society's quirks (church, media, education), and their quirks, these children become uniquely them.

The other day I heard such a sweet story about a 4 or 5 year old girl who wanted to have an art show displaying her own original art to raise money for an orphanage in Africa. And your response right now, probably matched my immediate response, "Ahhhh.  Isn't that so sweet?

And then a moment later, I thought, "My daughter would never think of that. Why not?"

Because my daughter is uniquely Montana.  It does me no good to get down on myself for not raising her better and it does no good whatsoever comparing my daughter to another person. She may not think to give money to orphans, but I have seen her speak boldly.

Okay, okay. Maybe I am just giving her "out-loud kid" words a positive reframe, but there is an element of truth that cannot go unnoticed.

Example 1: At a playdate, her friend got "hurt" and then began to "fake" cry.  We are all familiar with that cry.  My daughter looked at her friend and asked "why are you fake crying?"

Example 2: At church the other night she and another girl were discussing the girl's upcoming 7th birthday. Montana expressed her desire to be seven. This friend was trying to comfort Montana like an older girl to a younger girl would, "Don't worry...you'll be 7 like me someday, but now you are just 4." After a bit of back and forth, Montana had enough. She basically responded with, "well, you will die before me." Yep. You read that right. Conversation stopper.

I have several more examples that I think (hope) most kids say:

that man has old skin

that woman has old hands
even though your hair is short, mom, I still love you
Etc, etc.

And you know what? Even though we need to work on tact, I am proud of Montana. I hope she continues to speak boldly but with love. She may never raise money for orphans at this point in her life, but she has a unique gift to offer the world that is uniquely Montana.  I love when I catch glimpses of those gifts -  even if they are a bit unrefined!

Never a dull moment

 Ughhh...I have wanted to be blogging more.  How did a month go by so quickly? Although my blog has been quiet, life certainly has not. Here are a few things we have been doing...

Mid-week Break

 Last Thursday Aaron's day changed last minute, so we took off for a family day down to Skagit County to check out the Tulips.  It was a beautiful day...for Washington!  Can I just say...Amos LOVED the mud.  We let him stomp in it and put his hands in it.  Other parents looked at us like we were crazy, but it was so entertaining watching him explore.  Good thing he has cute little boots that kept his feet dry! 

And on the way home we made our very first visit to Chuck E. Cheese! I haven't been there since I was in jr. high.  I must admit, I was pleasantly surprised. We all had a really fun time, thanks to skee ball competitions between Aaron and me. Is it bad we used most of the tokens?

This is definitely one benefit of having a husband as a pastor  -  we get to do fun things together mid-week and avoid crowds of the weekends. I love spending time with my little family. It feeds my soul.

Tiger Mom Moment

In the fall, my book club read Battle Hymn of the Tiger Mother by Amy Chua. In the book she talks about the differences between the ways that Chinese mothers and western mothers raise their children.  She believes that western mothers are too easy on their children and that Chinese mothers push their children to excellence.  Chinese mothers don't allow their children to waste time on frivolous activities such as sleep-overs, playdates, and school subjects like drama and PE. She chose the instruments (piano and violin) her daughters played and they practiced everyday, sometimes 6 hours per day, including vacations. It was a thought provoking book and worth the read.

As I read, I wondered if I am too easy on Montana.  I will never be a Chinese mother, that's definitely not my culture or my personality, but I wondered if there is some value in pushing my children a bit harder.

Well, I had my moment last week. Montana has slowly been improving on riding her bike without training wheels.  She learned how to slow down and stop, but was having a hard time starting by herself, which meant that we would follow her around and help her get on every time she got off the bike or lost her balance. Then last week, I had had enough.  It probably helped (or not!) that I was feeling a little bit irritable and stubborn. I told her she couldn't play with the neighbor until she got on the bike and started by herself 5 times.  We were quite a sight outside.  She would whine and fall off and I would bark, GET UP! TRY AGAIN!  One time she fell off the bike and a neighbor offered sympathy, and I just said YOU'RE FINE. BRUSH IT OFF. DO IT AGAIN. I watched her struggle with my arms crossed. Part of me felt so mean, but most of me was so proud of her.  Every time she got back on, it got easier for her. When she did it by herself, I would yell, NICE WORK. DO IT AGAIN. Her confidence got stronger and stronger and with it, my pride. My heart was bursting with pride, and it only took maybe 30 minutes for her to get it down.

The next day, she went for a run with me.  She rode and I ran.  Now it was her turn to push me...she would take off on her bike and then yell back, COME ON SLOW POKE. When she gets on that bike and speeds off, I am so proud and more importantly, she is so proud! I think in this case, she needed to be pushed.  I think the challenge in the next few years for me will be, when to push and when to let it go. Chua's point in her book was that when we push our kids and make them work hard, they gain true self-confidence.  They know that hard work is worth it. If we don't push them to work hard, who will?

Out and About

I love living in Washington

...one day at the beach

(despite it being windy and cold)....

The next day...

In the mountains to play in snow...

warm and sunny!

Yes, that's me with a skirt playing in the snow.
Too warm for snowpants!

This wasn't the year for Amos and sledding!
Maybe next year...

Marriage

Mawage. Mawage is wot bwings us togeder tooday. Mawage, that bwessed awangment, that dweam wifin a dweam...


Aaron and I recently had the privilege of celebrating our neighbors' 10th wedding anniversary with them. They invited us, along with two other couples, to a delicious restaurant. I really felt honored by their invitation. It ended up being a wonderful, intentional time to celebrate the wonder of marriage. The marriage experience at the table ranged between 6 months and 16 years. We shared about the lessons we've learned and why marriage is worth it. The result - a pretty honest conversation about marriage. And I left feeling grateful. Feeling grateful for my marriage, but also grateful for marriage in general.

In our society marriage has gotten a pretty bad name. People see the divorce rates and want to run from marriage. Why bother with marriage, it's just going to end? And if you decide to take the plunge and get married and a rough patch comes, which is inevitable even to the strongest of marriages, your friends encourage you to pursue your own happiness and walk away.

Rarely do friends encourage us to fight for our marriages (thank you, Emily, for pointing this out). That's why I was so grateful to sit at a table with 4 couples with 4 different stories and share why marriage is worth it.

On the other hand, marriage is sometimes glorified and romanticized. "...and they lived happily ever after." They got good jobs, raised a family, had a nice home, and held hands on the porch swing when they grew old. This does nothing for the reality of marriage. Sometimes marriage is disappointing and things don't go as you expected. Your partner does things that annoy you and you find yourself saying the ugliest and meanest things to your partner. You would never say those things to a stranger, yet somehow your partner deserves it.

Either way marriage is a disillusionment: Why bother? vs. It's so perfect. Either way, you are going to end up sorely disappointed. Marriage just is. It's good, it's bad, it's ugly. But for some reason it's so worth it. Having someone who knows you...at your worst and your best...and still hangs around...wow! There is no one who will ever know you the way your partner does and that is so freeing. Journeying through life with a companion by your side...

Marriage is worth fighting for. I think it needs to be celebrated openly more often.