Mawage. Mawage is wot bwings us togeder tooday. Mawage, that bwessed awangment, that dweam wifin a dweam...Aaron and I recently had the privilege of celebrating our neighbors' 10th wedding anniversary with them. They invited us, along with two other couples, to a delicious restaurant. I really felt honored by their invitation. It ended up being a wonderful, intentional time to celebrate the wonder of marriage. The marriage experience at the table ranged between 6 months and 16 years. We shared about the lessons we've learned and why marriage is worth it. The result - a pretty honest conversation about marriage. And I left feeling grateful. Feeling grateful for my marriage, but also grateful for marriage in general.
In our society marriage has gotten a pretty bad name. People see the divorce rates and want to run from marriage. Why bother with marriage, it's just going to end? And if you decide to take the plunge and get married and a rough patch comes, which is inevitable even to the strongest of marriages, your friends encourage you to pursue your own happiness and walk away.
Rarely do friends encourage us to fight for our marriages (thank you, Emily, for pointing this out). That's why I was so grateful to sit at a table with 4 couples with 4 different stories and share why marriage is worth it.
On the other hand, marriage is sometimes glorified and romanticized. "...and they lived happily ever after." They got good jobs, raised a family, had a nice home, and held hands on the porch swing when they grew old. This does nothing for the reality of marriage. Sometimes marriage is disappointing and things don't go as you expected. Your partner does things that annoy you and you find yourself saying the ugliest and meanest things to your partner. You would never say those things to a stranger, yet somehow your partner deserves it.
Either way marriage is a disillusionment: Why bother? vs. It's so perfect. Either way, you are going to end up sorely disappointed. Marriage just is. It's good, it's bad, it's ugly. But for some reason it's so worth it. Having someone who knows you...at your worst and your best...and still hangs around...wow! There is no one who will ever know you the way your partner does and that is so freeing. Journeying through life with a companion by your side...
Marriage is worth fighting for. I think it needs to be celebrated openly more often.
1 comment:
"Rarely do friends encourage us to fight for our marriages..." Wow, what a statement. Yet it feels sadly true. I hope I become the kind of friend who encourages my friends to fight for their marriages. And I hope I will always be surrounded by people who encourage me to fight for mine.
I am learning so many terrible and wonderful things about myself being married. Maybe growing more into who I am is part of the "worth it" part of marriage. I don't know, just a thought.
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