Saturday, March 29, 2008

Wait for it....



Montana hardly ever smiles for the camera, so Aunt Emily tries to get her to smile on video...

Wednesday, March 26, 2008

Oh how the days go by...

I know that everyone always says how fast time goes, and when you have a baby it seems to go even faster. Montana is getting so big. Tomorrow she will be 4 months and Aaron and I are in awe. She is quite verbal these days and says "HI" all of the time. (I'm serious!) She is happiest in the mornings and thanks to the book, "Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child" by Marc Weissbluth she is no longer sleep deprived and usually takes 2 long naps a day(when we're not out and about). She hasn't quite rolled over yet, but it's coming any day. I don't know why girls do this, but she has a little scream she whips out when she is really hungry or really tired. It's that high pitched scream that makes me want to discipline her. :) She is not into her soothie as much anymore because she has found her fingers! Fine with me - Suck away, girl!
Aaron and I are finding our rhythm as new parents - my duties include bath time and day time feedings, Aaron clips her finger nails and gets up at night to feed her. I often have to ask Aaron if I am hogging her because I love to hold her and play with her. I am really trying to cherish this time with her because I will never get this time again. When I start to stress out about getting things "done." I remind myself that those things can usually wait, but taking time to nourish my daughter or play with her on the floor will be gone before I know it. I have had to put away a few little outfits and it makes me sad to think that she will never be able to wear them again...wow I'm getting pretty sappy.
Well...here's to embracing the present and enjoying the moment.

Friday, March 21, 2008

A Good Friday


I am official. Receiving my first paycheck from my job at Starbucks, I was truly excited to deposit my $88.12 into the old checking account. We have been blessed tremendously by both my family and K8’s in these last 4-5 months. In addition to this, we have done odd jobs to make our own bills, but have slowly seen our accounts drop. And as we have been waiting for the next trailhead on our journey, I got a job at “the Bucks of Star” in an attempt to make the next month’s due dates. It has been challenging and worrisome to see if we’ll make it another month, BUT as a result we have seen the gracious and providential hand of God supply our needs, and even some of our desires, each month. And so, it felt good to deposit my first week of training wages into the bank today, knowing He is continuing to bless us, through our families and corporate America.

With this in mind, I attended a Good Friday service this evening, and I felt quite challenged. As a congregation, we performed a ritual, of sorts, and wrote reasons for confession on slips of paper, “sins” if you will. My slip read, “distrust, impatience, worry.” With the sound of nothing but hammering in the air, we then lined up in procession, each nailing our slips of paper to one of three wooden crosses near the altar; it was a powerful sound. I wrote those three words down and nailed them in because in this strange season of waiting and discerning I have been impatient with God. It’s been frustrating to see closed doors, and I have been impatient. I’ve been worried what we will do if the cash runs out, if jobs won’t pay the bills, if unexpected things arise. And as a result of all of this, I have been trusting in my own strength and determination to get through, trusting in my ability to be frugal with limited funds in the bank, and not trusting in Him. So, on one hand I am stoked to have made my deposit today, seeing His provision, and on the other hand, convicted by the fact that I have been clenching “the wad” too tightly. It was freeing to release the latter tonight, while being grateful for the former.

Even though we have little, we have a lot. We are blessed by God’s hand, by the sacrifice of His Son. Even if we had a lot more, this would still be true. It is only by His grace, by His provision, that we all are able to be in relationship with each other, ourselves, and with Him. We sang one of my favorite lines in tonight’s service: “I will not boast in anything No gifts, no power, no wisdom But I will boast in Jesus Christ His death and resurrection.” This is my meditation for tonight: that I would not keep an icy grip on the Benjamins, the Jacksons, or the Washingtons, that I would not take unneeded pride in my own efforts or gifts or abilities, but would humbly boast in His provision, His grace, His sacrifice, and His empowerment. I pray you and yours will have an Easter of connection.

Blessings.

Thursday, March 13, 2008

Two peas in a pod


Many people try to figure out if Montana looks like me or Aaron. Some people adamantly say she looks like Aaron, while others insist that she looks like me, BUT we say that she looks more and more like her Grumpa everyday.

Wednesday, March 12, 2008

Why?

There is this stirring in my heart that sometimes can't be described. It involves...community, lifestyle, simplicity, poor and a longing for "more." I think others are also experiencing this feeling because we have talked about it. It's hard to know what it is or what it looks like or what it even means. I have recently picked up a book by Shane Claiborne called Irresistible Revolution and it speaks pretty directly to some of my stirrings. He explores what it means to really follow Jesus and fight for the things that Jesus fought for. He quotes a friend in his book, "I gave up Christianity to follow Jesus." This quote came early in the book and immediately got my wheels turning because I have grown up in a Christian home and Christian culture is second nature to me. I know very well how to be a Christian. I know what Christians say, what they think, what they do, but this book has challenged me, convicted me, forced me to ask...what about Jesus? Who is He, what did he (and continue to) fight for? Here I am wanting to go into full-time ministry with my husband to tell people about Jesus, but do I really know who He is? Have I gotten so focused on "Christian ministry" that I've forgotten what it's really about? Have I ever even known what it's really about? Don't get me wrong, this is not a question of salvation, but a question of why? Why am I a "Christian" and why do I want to devote my life to this? I feel drawn to the Gospels, to once again get back to the basics. I want to give up Christianity to follow Jesus. The sad thing is that sometimes it's hard for me to sift through Christian culture to find the heart of Jesus. Perhaps the purpose of this time in our lives of "waiting" is to really concentrate on Jesus and who he is and why in the world we are wanting to go into ministry in the first place.
Another piece of this book is about community and how we were absolutely created to be in community, yet so many of us feel alone and isolated. Unfortunately community is so counter cultural these days (although the more people I talk to, the more I realize that maybe more people want to be counter-cultural). We have so much, why aren't we sharing it more with those around us? Not just money and resources, but time, thoughts and our lives. I'm not necessarily ready to join/start a commune, but I feel ready for something close to it. I'm not too sure what it would look like, but I think that our future decisions will be influenced by our strong desire for community.
There is way more to this book that has disrupted me, such as how we interact with the poor, but I can only process it in small doses! It feels like alot to digest, but it is speaking to my inner stirrings and starting to shape the way I want to live my life. I really recommend this book, but read it with caution...it may shake you to the core!

Saturday, March 8, 2008

Where, What, When, How....Why?

Kate and I were thinking it would be helpful to give an update on where we're at. We are currently living w/ my parents in Colorado Springs, which has been a great blessing. I am starting a job at Starbucks this Monday. Kate has also been doing a little work for my family. This will help us make ends meet as we wait to see where God is calling us for formal ministry. Our time in Colorado has been a good time of connection w/ both family and old friends.

As far as our journey to that formal ministry, we have taken a few trips to help us discern. In January we went to the west coast and visited two church planting clusters in Seattle and Sacramento. Both these stops helped Kate and I narrow the vision we have for church planting, w/ potential options in Washington. This past week we went to our denomination's regional/classis meeting here in Colorado. There we met with the church planting gang, and discovered they are interested in adopting the church planting model found on the west coast. We spoke with several pastors, with potential options in both CO and Texas.

Locationally, we still don't know where we will end up. As we have been waiting, we have had lots of conversations and daydreams about what an ideal church situation would be. Our vision is still forming, and will continue to adapt. But, as for right now we know that we want to form a worshiping community focused on serving its community. We are thinking about pursuing a non-traditional model of church, focused on reaching a particular niche or subculture of society. We've thought about that niche including aspects of coffee, the outdoors, social justice, and yoga. If you know us, you know we are daydreamers, but all these daydreams center around service and being an incarnational presence in the neighborhood we find ourselves. Our vision will evolve as we discover the organic needs of that neighborhood.

All this to say, would you be in prayer for us? We are asking that you pray for:
1. Us to be in a patient attitude of worship as we actively wait to see where God is leading us.
2. God's continued leading as we refine the vision He is laying on us.
3. God's continued provision of health, relationship and finances.

Thanks for your support. We will keep you posted.