Why?

There is this stirring in my heart that sometimes can't be described. It involves...community, lifestyle, simplicity, poor and a longing for "more." I think others are also experiencing this feeling because we have talked about it. It's hard to know what it is or what it looks like or what it even means. I have recently picked up a book by Shane Claiborne called Irresistible Revolution and it speaks pretty directly to some of my stirrings. He explores what it means to really follow Jesus and fight for the things that Jesus fought for. He quotes a friend in his book, "I gave up Christianity to follow Jesus." This quote came early in the book and immediately got my wheels turning because I have grown up in a Christian home and Christian culture is second nature to me. I know very well how to be a Christian. I know what Christians say, what they think, what they do, but this book has challenged me, convicted me, forced me to ask...what about Jesus? Who is He, what did he (and continue to) fight for? Here I am wanting to go into full-time ministry with my husband to tell people about Jesus, but do I really know who He is? Have I gotten so focused on "Christian ministry" that I've forgotten what it's really about? Have I ever even known what it's really about? Don't get me wrong, this is not a question of salvation, but a question of why? Why am I a "Christian" and why do I want to devote my life to this? I feel drawn to the Gospels, to once again get back to the basics. I want to give up Christianity to follow Jesus. The sad thing is that sometimes it's hard for me to sift through Christian culture to find the heart of Jesus. Perhaps the purpose of this time in our lives of "waiting" is to really concentrate on Jesus and who he is and why in the world we are wanting to go into ministry in the first place.
Another piece of this book is about community and how we were absolutely created to be in community, yet so many of us feel alone and isolated. Unfortunately community is so counter cultural these days (although the more people I talk to, the more I realize that maybe more people want to be counter-cultural). We have so much, why aren't we sharing it more with those around us? Not just money and resources, but time, thoughts and our lives. I'm not necessarily ready to join/start a commune, but I feel ready for something close to it. I'm not too sure what it would look like, but I think that our future decisions will be influenced by our strong desire for community.
There is way more to this book that has disrupted me, such as how we interact with the poor, but I can only process it in small doses! It feels like alot to digest, but it is speaking to my inner stirrings and starting to shape the way I want to live my life. I really recommend this book, but read it with caution...it may shake you to the core!