A Good Friday

I am official. Receiving my first paycheck from my job at Starbucks, I was truly excited to deposit my $88.12 into the old checking account. We have been blessed tremendously by both my family and K8’s in these last 4-5 months. In addition to this, we have done odd jobs to make our own bills, but have slowly seen our accounts drop. And as we have been waiting for the next trailhead on our journey, I got a job at “the Bucks of Star” in an attempt to make the next month’s due dates. It has been challenging and worrisome to see if we’ll make it another month, BUT as a result we have seen the gracious and providential hand of God supply our needs, and even some of our desires, each month. And so, it felt good to deposit my first week of training wages into the bank today, knowing He is continuing to bless us, through our families and corporate America.

With this in mind, I attended a Good Friday service this evening, and I felt quite challenged. As a congregation, we performed a ritual, of sorts, and wrote reasons for confession on slips of paper, “sins” if you will. My slip read, “distrust, impatience, worry.” With the sound of nothing but hammering in the air, we then lined up in procession, each nailing our slips of paper to one of three wooden crosses near the altar; it was a powerful sound. I wrote those three words down and nailed them in because in this strange season of waiting and discerning I have been impatient with God. It’s been frustrating to see closed doors, and I have been impatient. I’ve been worried what we will do if the cash runs out, if jobs won’t pay the bills, if unexpected things arise. And as a result of all of this, I have been trusting in my own strength and determination to get through, trusting in my ability to be frugal with limited funds in the bank, and not trusting in Him. So, on one hand I am stoked to have made my deposit today, seeing His provision, and on the other hand, convicted by the fact that I have been clenching “the wad” too tightly. It was freeing to release the latter tonight, while being grateful for the former.

Even though we have little, we have a lot. We are blessed by God’s hand, by the sacrifice of His Son. Even if we had a lot more, this would still be true. It is only by His grace, by His provision, that we all are able to be in relationship with each other, ourselves, and with Him. We sang one of my favorite lines in tonight’s service: “I will not boast in anything No gifts, no power, no wisdom But I will boast in Jesus Christ His death and resurrection.” This is my meditation for tonight: that I would not keep an icy grip on the Benjamins, the Jacksons, or the Washingtons, that I would not take unneeded pride in my own efforts or gifts or abilities, but would humbly boast in His provision, His grace, His sacrifice, and His empowerment. I pray you and yours will have an Easter of connection.

Blessings.