Both

I am pregnant.  We are expecting a baby boy sometime around the first of June. We are happy and excited and feel so blessed.  We wanted a third baby and the third time must be a charm because unlike the other two kiddos, this one only took 1 or 2 "tries".

There is a Jewish concept that I learned from reading Blessings of a Skinned Knee, by Wendy Mogel and it has really stuck with me. It expresses the idea of balance: "Keep two pieces of paper in your pockets at all times.  On one write, 'I am a speck of dust.' On the other, 'The world was created for me.'"

This concept resonates with me deeply because so many times in life we experience opposing thoughts and feelings at one time.  How many times do we suggest that something is "bittersweet"?  For example, moving is sad and exciting.  It is not one or the other.  It is both.

When I think about having another baby and feel him moving inside of me, I am thrilled.  And then I think of some of my friends who long to be mothers. For some, a partner has come too late in life...or not at all.  For others, they have been trying to get pregnant for months and years.  Other friends have had too many miscarriages.  I can't help but remember these precious women in the midst of my fullness and feel sorrow.  I don't know what it's like, but I can imagine.  I can imagine that every time she hears that someone else is pregnant, she has to hide her grief, disappointment and anger that it is not her...again.

So at this time, I hold joy in one pocket and sorrow in the other. In the midst of my excitement, I remember the pain that some women are experiencing. It is hard to hold BOTH without diminishing one or the other. But life forces us to. It is not one or the other.  It is both.