Tiger Mom Moment

In the fall, my book club read Battle Hymn of the Tiger Mother by Amy Chua. In the book she talks about the differences between the ways that Chinese mothers and western mothers raise their children.  She believes that western mothers are too easy on their children and that Chinese mothers push their children to excellence.  Chinese mothers don't allow their children to waste time on frivolous activities such as sleep-overs, playdates, and school subjects like drama and PE. She chose the instruments (piano and violin) her daughters played and they practiced everyday, sometimes 6 hours per day, including vacations. It was a thought provoking book and worth the read.

As I read, I wondered if I am too easy on Montana.  I will never be a Chinese mother, that's definitely not my culture or my personality, but I wondered if there is some value in pushing my children a bit harder.

Well, I had my moment last week. Montana has slowly been improving on riding her bike without training wheels.  She learned how to slow down and stop, but was having a hard time starting by herself, which meant that we would follow her around and help her get on every time she got off the bike or lost her balance. Then last week, I had had enough.  It probably helped (or not!) that I was feeling a little bit irritable and stubborn. I told her she couldn't play with the neighbor until she got on the bike and started by herself 5 times.  We were quite a sight outside.  She would whine and fall off and I would bark, GET UP! TRY AGAIN!  One time she fell off the bike and a neighbor offered sympathy, and I just said YOU'RE FINE. BRUSH IT OFF. DO IT AGAIN. I watched her struggle with my arms crossed. Part of me felt so mean, but most of me was so proud of her.  Every time she got back on, it got easier for her. When she did it by herself, I would yell, NICE WORK. DO IT AGAIN. Her confidence got stronger and stronger and with it, my pride. My heart was bursting with pride, and it only took maybe 30 minutes for her to get it down.

The next day, she went for a run with me.  She rode and I ran.  Now it was her turn to push me...she would take off on her bike and then yell back, COME ON SLOW POKE. When she gets on that bike and speeds off, I am so proud and more importantly, she is so proud! I think in this case, she needed to be pushed.  I think the challenge in the next few years for me will be, when to push and when to let it go. Chua's point in her book was that when we push our kids and make them work hard, they gain true self-confidence.  They know that hard work is worth it. If we don't push them to work hard, who will?