Last Saturday my cousin, Kristin, and I spent the morning with our Grandma June. My grandma has alzheimer's and I'm not sure that she knew who we were and I'm sure she won't remember our morning together, but I will. We ate breakfast at my uncle's with her and then we took her shopping to Wal-Mart.
Things I will remember about that Saturday morning shopping trip:
1. How much she trusted us when she probably didn't really know who we were and she didn't seem to mind that we called her Grandma2. How much she loves the color red. Seriously, the woman loves red and wanted to buy any shirt that had red in it because her husband loves her in red.
3. The vest we tried to buy for her so that she could be trendy, but it didn't quite fit, but she kept trying it on anyway (because she didn't remember that she already tried it on). She informed us that the color of the vest was wine...and it really was the best way to describe it.
4. The way we spent about 20 minutes in the yarn section trying to talk her into crocheting a blanket that was a color other than blue, but she kept wanting blue yarn even though she had a whole bag of blue yarn back in her apartment. We left the section empty handed. I guess the upside of alzheimer's is that she can be easily distracted.
5. Kristin's cool new boots...thanks to Uncle Dick and his credit card! :)
6. Buying Grandma red roses to take back to her room
7. Taking Grandma back to her "apartment" and her not recognizing the place and asking why we don't take her home. The anxiety in her voice.
8. Saying good-bye to Grandma and knowing that in a few minutes she would wonder where those red roses in her room came from.
9. Realizing that the Grandma I spent the morning with and the Grandma of my childhood is not the same person, yet at the same time she is.
10. On the drive home, Kristin posing this question: "I wonder what it's like for the people around you to know you better than you know yourself?"
I can't imagine what it's like not to remember. To realize that things are familiar or that you should know them, but can't quite put your finger on it. My grandma is so sweet and although she may not know me, she realizes I'm a friend. I'm glad I have my childhood memories of her, but I'm also glad to have this memory of her as well. Wow, even as I type this I realize how much I take memories for granted. To live fully and completely in the present...is that what it means to have alzheimer's?
3 comments:
hey you guys...it feels like forever...reading about memories i think about china...hope you are well...and it was fun to see you pics of chicago...take care
paul
My Oma LOVES to see me, I'll say "Hi Oma" and she beams and gives me a big hug and then look me in the eyes, hold my hands in hers and go "And who are you again?". My Opa (on the other side) says we're very blessed that she's still so pleasant - often Altzheimers can change their personalities in a very negative way). She just loves everyone. Another memory: I told her that my husband Brad was here with me, and then pointed him out to her and asked "Do you remember him?" Well, of COURSE she did, although if I hadn't given her his name, pointed him out and told him our relationship, I'm sure she would have had no clue who he was. It's amazing how much you can still love someone, even when they're too young to comprehend (or even to be born) or too old to remember you.
Thank you Kate. This was beautiful. It made me weepy... not for what is lost, but for what we have.
Love you
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