All in a day's work

The day started off with "Holy Shoot!" from the 3 year old.  And then an explanation why we shouldn't say that.  And then the question, "well then is it okay to say Holy Cow?"

Well, crap, I thought to myself, is it okay?  I landed on yes it is okay to say, but reminded my children that nothing is holy except God.  So maybe it's not okay to say, "holy cow" or "holy moly" or...?

Up next was the almost 1 year old climbing the ladder of the bunk bed unassisted and I must say quite skillfully. Great, now I have to eliminate another hazard.  I am beginning to remember why I love babies and have a love/hate relationship with toddlers.

Then the 6 year old lost her front tooth at supper.  She asked the tooth fairy to bring fairy dust.  Some white sugar mixed with purple and pink sprinkles left over from some birthday party and...Voila! Pixie dust.  The tooth fairy also added 2 quarters for good measure, but the fairy pixie dust was a hit and the quarters may still be under the pillow. Next time, I think the tooth fairy will get herself a coffee instead of giving money.

I write these things to remind my present self what a sweet time we are in with the kids and so my future self does not forget these little moments.  Sometimes the yelling or whining or exhaustion is all I can remember.

Sacred Space

The other day I realized that my bed is truly a sacred space for me.  I know it's a weird thought.

A good portion of my life is spent in it...sleeping. I fall into bed every night exhausted. My days are full, but at night I crawl under the covers, pick up a book, and take a deep breath. I stretch my legs out and finally let go of the day and prepare for the next. And usually read 2 pages before I drift off.  But the bed is also so much more.

My bed is about rest, but it's also about connection.  Amos takes his naps in my bed.  We read a story and have a moment to connect before he rests. Sometimes if the stars align, Aaron or I will rest with him.  And again before bed Aaron reads to the kids in our bed.  There are cuddles and talk about the day. Prayers are said. When we enter that space, we all slow down.  It's here where the important things happen.

My bed is about intimacy.  Intimacy with my children, but also my husband. We have heart felt conversations lying side by side. Our legs touch. And it goes without saying that 3 children were conceived in that sacred space.  My 3rd baby was born in that bed and I have nursed my babies in the wee hours of the morning in that bed.

My bed is a sacred space.  My family goes there for rest, connection and intimacy.  It is the most special space in my house. I think I should go there now!

Sick of the $#*T (part 2)

No, this is not another post about potty training, it is about a different kind of shit, but equally messy.

It is smeared on church pews of conservatives and on the high horses of liberals. I am so tired of it.

Last week, World Vision (a child sponsorship organization that happens to be Christian), decided that they would start hiring Christians in same-sex marriages.  My first reaction?  They are so brave. My second reaction? They are going to get eaten alive.

And they did. Two days later, they reversed their policy.

You know what I am sick of? I am sick of conservatives AND liberals. I am sick of the judgment and opinions.  I am sick of everyone on their soap boxes and blogs (irony) telling everyone else how they should think and what they should believe.  I am sick of talk with no action. I am sick of "politically correct." I am sick of people flinging shit at each other.

You know who the casualties are?  Vincent in Honduras, Ngutu in Kenya, Priya in India. Children are going hungry because people in America don't want a gay accountant working at World Vision.  Children are dying while we debate homosexuality and prayer in schools and whatever else happens to appear in a facebook feed. I can't help but think that Satan is having a heyday with all of this division.

We need to stop the madness.  If we spent half that energy helping children in our neighborhood or caring for someone who is lonely or sponsoring a child or listening to someone's story or empathizing with someone different than us these debates would seem so cursory. Let's stop making the wrong things the main things. Caring for each other as human beings should be the most basic thing we do. I have sat with too many hurting and broken people this week.  I can't help but think we are all missing the point. Sitting in coffee shops or churches and talking and criticizing does NO good.  Just stop it.  Take a minute to walk in someone else's shoes. We are all humans.  We are all hurting and broken in need of grace and kindness.

Stop the madness.  What all these crazy conversations do is take us away from what truly matters...each other.

Lately

Montana

I feel like we are entering a new era with Montana.  She is starting to read, we are able to explain and reason with her, she is funny and gets humor, and is starting to get embarrassed by us. It is so fun to see her grow up and become herself.  But, I am sad at the same time.  Not only is it hard to see her become more independent, but I know what's coming.  One of my favorite books, Reviving Ophelia by Mary Pipher, explains how girls start losing their inhibitions. They lose sight of their true self in order to adapt to pressure from peers, society, and media. It is not easy reaching adolescence and I want to protect her from friendship struggles, a broken heart, and crazy societal expectations. I know I can't protect her, so I must prepare her.

Aaron and I have noticed another shift in her.  We have watched her become accommodating. Too accommodating.  In order to avoid conflict, she quickly gives in...to her brother, to her friends.  At first glance, it appears that she is being kind and selfless by allowing the other person to have what they want. But on the other hand, I see her sacrificing her own desires simply to avoid conflict.  This is such a tricky balance, because I want her to be kind and learn to compromise, but I also want her to stand up and speak out for her desires.  I want her to use her voice when things are really important to her, but I also know that to be in relationship sometimes your desires have to be put on hold or set aside.  I see myself in her so much, and the need for me to model healthy assertiveness.  Right now I am trying to be her voice and help her ask for what she wants, at the same time practicing it for myself too.

Raising a girl. I am freaked out and excited and honored.  I love watching her grow.

Amos

With Montana away at school, this kid is seriously my sidekick.  We do everything together. He is determined, but oh so cuddly.  He crawls into bed with us every morning about 4am and snuggles.  Anytime I am on the floor, he jumps on me or climbs on me.  We love going to the library and picking out Star Wars books. We share coffee and read those books. He is getting awesome at riding his strider.  He dislikes wearing underwear and prefers to stay in his pajamas all day everyday.  Some days he will wear a shirt, sleep in it and wear it again the next day.  I have resigned myself to fighting the clothing battle.  Wear whatever you want, it's not worth the struggle. Amos really misses Montana now that she is gone everyday.  He runs to her the minute she walks in the door.  Sometimes you can tell that she is tired and just needs a break, but she graciously hugs him while rolling her eyes. Last night, Montana was with our neighbor, Catherine, having some girl time.  Amos had a hard time going to sleep.  He is used to Montana being in the room with him. He says adorable things like, "Mom, you got-for (forgot) read that page."  Randomly he will say, "I love you, mom" and give me a kiss.  The other day he told me that he has a crush on me. Oh, my heart.

It feels like it will be different raising boys.  He gets very frustrated and angry when he doesn't get his way.  He grits his teeth and yells. He needs to be active and get his energy out.  He seems like he will be a kid who does things his own way.  The other day when I picked him up from Sunday School, the teacher said that he insisted on standing the whole time.  He didn't want to sit on the floor like the other kids, but at least he was obedient and listened, he just stood.

 Silas

I can't believe he is already 9 months old.  It has gone so fast.  He is definitely a mama's boy and I must confess, I don't mind.  He is likely our last baby, so I am trying to enjoy every moment of it because in a few months he will be walking and then running away from me. He is a charmer and has adorable smiles to give away.  He is pulling himself up and cruising along furniture.  I think at this point, Montana was just beginning to crawl.  We have been blessed by Silas' "go with flow - I'm the 3rd kid" vibe. I know most babies like music, but Silas seems more interested in it than the other two were. He loves it when Aaron plays guitar and is quickly soothed by a song (despite my off key singing).

Much to his brother's annoyance, Silas is getting into things.  He "messes" up Amos' puzzles and legos. I am anxious to see how this brother relationship will play out. I pray for a strong bond between my kids.  Both Aaron and I pray that they will be friends and enjoy one another. 

It's amazing that this little guy has brought so much joy to our family in the short time that he has been here.  When I look at my kids, my heart is full of amazement and gratitude.  They are healthy and strong. They are full of personality and make my life so full.  Aaron and I had a weekend together recently without kids (except Silas) and although we enjoyed the quiet and the time to connect, we missed our kids.

This moment in time, this is our life.

Dear Montana

I wrote this for Montana 2 years ago in response to a presentation my sister shared about "body love".  I just found it and it is an excellent reminder for me and my relationship with food and my body... 


Montana,

May the love that you have for yourself now continue through your teen years (and beyond). I pray that adolescence and our looks-focused society does not rob that from you. May you resist "fat talk" when peers start using it heavily. It's like cursing, it will not be allowed in our house. Eating and exercise are activities that I hope you will thoroughly enjoy, and the true delight that comes from them won't be laden with guilt and shame. I pray that you will love and accept others, regardless of where their food and body journey has taken them. May we have a healthy relationship to food and our bodies in our home and may we spread that to those we interact with. Let's be part of the change that's so desperately needed!

All of my love,
Mom

Off to bed

The bed time routine in this house is pretty much a well oiled machine...when dad is home. With Dad gone more evenings now, I am left to the wolves. (On a side note...single parents and military spouses...you get major props from me).


Tonight went well enough, but Silas hit a wall about the time that I began reading to the others...so I found myself holding the library book, attempting to nurse a squirmy baby while big sister played peek-a-boo with him (HELLO, I am trying to READ!) and what is this I feel? Amos, are you seriously licking my arm right now?  And these books...man, they have so many WORDS.  I also probably shouldn't save the Bible story for the end, because by then I feel like a major hypocrite reading about Jesus' love and the courage of His followers. We scampered upstairs with a short song and threats to stay in bed.  And then there was Amos' plea, "sleep with me".  I laid down with him and he reached over to me, squeezed my neck, and breathed with his hot 3 year old breath, "I love you, mom."

I lingered another moment and then ran downstairs and poured a large glass of wine.

2013 Christmas Letter

2013. Just like every year. It was full of memorable moments and mundane moments. Some moments I will not forget, like giving birth to my 3^rd child at home and my first born heading to kindergarten. Our excursion to AZ with wonderful friends without children. Entering the minivan club and initiating said vehicle on a drive to South Dakota when Silas was one month old.  A house full of visitors from near and far.  Aaron starting a new position as an associate pastor at an established church while continuing to pastor our small church plant.

And then there are the mundane moments that will likely slip from my mind but are just as important.  A crowded bed in the middle of the night because our children want to be close to us.  My son handing Aaron his poop to flush it down the toilet while in the throes of potty-training. The struggle of getting shoes on and getting out the door every single day. Allowing Montana to perform in the nutcracker. Sharing my coffee and reading library books on the couch with Amos. And then reading them again. Being adored by my sweet baby.  Sitting between two large business men on an airplane home from my grandpa’s funeral and nursing my baby anyway. Constant noise and commotion. Floors and tables filled with legos, cars, and cut-up paper. These are the moments that somehow quickly turned into another year. Although I am tired of trying to balance schedules and money and although many days are simply a push to bedtime, I sit back today and remember.  My life is pretty darn good. It is full, in a good way.  I am always so grateful for family and friends. Thank you.  May we all experience moments of peace this season.

Merry Christmas from Kate, Aaron, Montana, Amos and Silas!!