Lately

Montana

I feel like we are entering a new era with Montana.  She is starting to read, we are able to explain and reason with her, she is funny and gets humor, and is starting to get embarrassed by us. It is so fun to see her grow up and become herself.  But, I am sad at the same time.  Not only is it hard to see her become more independent, but I know what's coming.  One of my favorite books, Reviving Ophelia by Mary Pipher, explains how girls start losing their inhibitions. They lose sight of their true self in order to adapt to pressure from peers, society, and media. It is not easy reaching adolescence and I want to protect her from friendship struggles, a broken heart, and crazy societal expectations. I know I can't protect her, so I must prepare her.

Aaron and I have noticed another shift in her.  We have watched her become accommodating. Too accommodating.  In order to avoid conflict, she quickly gives in...to her brother, to her friends.  At first glance, it appears that she is being kind and selfless by allowing the other person to have what they want. But on the other hand, I see her sacrificing her own desires simply to avoid conflict.  This is such a tricky balance, because I want her to be kind and learn to compromise, but I also want her to stand up and speak out for her desires.  I want her to use her voice when things are really important to her, but I also know that to be in relationship sometimes your desires have to be put on hold or set aside.  I see myself in her so much, and the need for me to model healthy assertiveness.  Right now I am trying to be her voice and help her ask for what she wants, at the same time practicing it for myself too.

Raising a girl. I am freaked out and excited and honored.  I love watching her grow.

Amos

With Montana away at school, this kid is seriously my sidekick.  We do everything together. He is determined, but oh so cuddly.  He crawls into bed with us every morning about 4am and snuggles.  Anytime I am on the floor, he jumps on me or climbs on me.  We love going to the library and picking out Star Wars books. We share coffee and read those books. He is getting awesome at riding his strider.  He dislikes wearing underwear and prefers to stay in his pajamas all day everyday.  Some days he will wear a shirt, sleep in it and wear it again the next day.  I have resigned myself to fighting the clothing battle.  Wear whatever you want, it's not worth the struggle. Amos really misses Montana now that she is gone everyday.  He runs to her the minute she walks in the door.  Sometimes you can tell that she is tired and just needs a break, but she graciously hugs him while rolling her eyes. Last night, Montana was with our neighbor, Catherine, having some girl time.  Amos had a hard time going to sleep.  He is used to Montana being in the room with him. He says adorable things like, "Mom, you got-for (forgot) read that page."  Randomly he will say, "I love you, mom" and give me a kiss.  The other day he told me that he has a crush on me. Oh, my heart.

It feels like it will be different raising boys.  He gets very frustrated and angry when he doesn't get his way.  He grits his teeth and yells. He needs to be active and get his energy out.  He seems like he will be a kid who does things his own way.  The other day when I picked him up from Sunday School, the teacher said that he insisted on standing the whole time.  He didn't want to sit on the floor like the other kids, but at least he was obedient and listened, he just stood.

 Silas

I can't believe he is already 9 months old.  It has gone so fast.  He is definitely a mama's boy and I must confess, I don't mind.  He is likely our last baby, so I am trying to enjoy every moment of it because in a few months he will be walking and then running away from me. He is a charmer and has adorable smiles to give away.  He is pulling himself up and cruising along furniture.  I think at this point, Montana was just beginning to crawl.  We have been blessed by Silas' "go with flow - I'm the 3rd kid" vibe. I know most babies like music, but Silas seems more interested in it than the other two were. He loves it when Aaron plays guitar and is quickly soothed by a song (despite my off key singing).

Much to his brother's annoyance, Silas is getting into things.  He "messes" up Amos' puzzles and legos. I am anxious to see how this brother relationship will play out. I pray for a strong bond between my kids.  Both Aaron and I pray that they will be friends and enjoy one another. 

It's amazing that this little guy has brought so much joy to our family in the short time that he has been here.  When I look at my kids, my heart is full of amazement and gratitude.  They are healthy and strong. They are full of personality and make my life so full.  Aaron and I had a weekend together recently without kids (except Silas) and although we enjoyed the quiet and the time to connect, we missed our kids.

This moment in time, this is our life.

Dear Montana

I wrote this for Montana 2 years ago in response to a presentation my sister shared about "body love".  I just found it and it is an excellent reminder for me and my relationship with food and my body... 


Montana,

May the love that you have for yourself now continue through your teen years (and beyond). I pray that adolescence and our looks-focused society does not rob that from you. May you resist "fat talk" when peers start using it heavily. It's like cursing, it will not be allowed in our house. Eating and exercise are activities that I hope you will thoroughly enjoy, and the true delight that comes from them won't be laden with guilt and shame. I pray that you will love and accept others, regardless of where their food and body journey has taken them. May we have a healthy relationship to food and our bodies in our home and may we spread that to those we interact with. Let's be part of the change that's so desperately needed!

All of my love,
Mom

Off to bed

The bed time routine in this house is pretty much a well oiled machine...when dad is home. With Dad gone more evenings now, I am left to the wolves. (On a side note...single parents and military spouses...you get major props from me).


Tonight went well enough, but Silas hit a wall about the time that I began reading to the others...so I found myself holding the library book, attempting to nurse a squirmy baby while big sister played peek-a-boo with him (HELLO, I am trying to READ!) and what is this I feel? Amos, are you seriously licking my arm right now?  And these books...man, they have so many WORDS.  I also probably shouldn't save the Bible story for the end, because by then I feel like a major hypocrite reading about Jesus' love and the courage of His followers. We scampered upstairs with a short song and threats to stay in bed.  And then there was Amos' plea, "sleep with me".  I laid down with him and he reached over to me, squeezed my neck, and breathed with his hot 3 year old breath, "I love you, mom."

I lingered another moment and then ran downstairs and poured a large glass of wine.

2013 Christmas Letter

2013. Just like every year. It was full of memorable moments and mundane moments. Some moments I will not forget, like giving birth to my 3^rd child at home and my first born heading to kindergarten. Our excursion to AZ with wonderful friends without children. Entering the minivan club and initiating said vehicle on a drive to South Dakota when Silas was one month old.  A house full of visitors from near and far.  Aaron starting a new position as an associate pastor at an established church while continuing to pastor our small church plant.

And then there are the mundane moments that will likely slip from my mind but are just as important.  A crowded bed in the middle of the night because our children want to be close to us.  My son handing Aaron his poop to flush it down the toilet while in the throes of potty-training. The struggle of getting shoes on and getting out the door every single day. Allowing Montana to perform in the nutcracker. Sharing my coffee and reading library books on the couch with Amos. And then reading them again. Being adored by my sweet baby.  Sitting between two large business men on an airplane home from my grandpa’s funeral and nursing my baby anyway. Constant noise and commotion. Floors and tables filled with legos, cars, and cut-up paper. These are the moments that somehow quickly turned into another year. Although I am tired of trying to balance schedules and money and although many days are simply a push to bedtime, I sit back today and remember.  My life is pretty darn good. It is full, in a good way.  I am always so grateful for family and friends. Thank you.  May we all experience moments of peace this season.

Merry Christmas from Kate, Aaron, Montana, Amos and Silas!!

I will go to church when my kids get older...

I wrote this for The Table's blog and thought I would share it here as well.  It captures our life at this moment in time!


With three children some Sundays, no, MOST Sundays, it would be easier to stay at home than go to church. Being married to the pastor who needs to be at church early, it has become my responsibility to gather the brood and get them out the door on time, usually while juggling a hot dish. He always graciously asks if there is anything he can do before he leaves. A helpful question, but so much changes in a mere 30-40 minutes.

Inevitably about 10 minutes before we need to leave, a baby needs to eat.  Nursing has become cue for total mayhem from the other children.  Just how much can we get away with while mom has a baby attached to her? Now it is time to go and shoes that were on are off. One kid is digging in the pantry looking for something to eat and the other kid is in the middle of something very important and cannot think about getting her shoes on until it is finished. Then I start getting impatient because I like to be on time and then my voice gets a little louder and a little less kind.  Please, get your shoes on.

Meanwhile I am loading a crying baby in a car seat and getting the food ready. The dialogue goes something like this:
 I asked you to get your shoes on. No, you can’t go in your flip-flops, it is winter. Here put this coat on. Well, you need a coat, it’s cold. Sure you can bring that giant stuffed animal to church, you just have to share it.

Baby is still crying and then another kid starts whining about something and the other kid has disappeared to do Lord knows what. Church starts in 5 minutes and I forgot to change my shirt that has spit up all over it.  This is the point in the Sunday when I am tempted to throw in a Veggie Tales DVD and call it church, because as many parents of young children know, in reality, I will probably get more out of it.

Getting out the door to go to church is really only half the battle. Once at church my children run around and fight with each other or fall down from running around making it almost impossible to start and finish a conversation with another adult. My husband begins the service and I herd my small children close to my side so we can worship the Lord together.  Holding my baby, I try to keep my toddler from running away to play with the toys and my kindergartner from distracting everyone by her beautiful interpretive dancing that somehow more closely resembles a back-up dancer at a Beyonce concert. I close my eyes for a moment to worship only to open them again and see a child either talking to a friend (loudly) or balancing from a chair.  I am attempting to perfect the purposeful “stop-what-you-are-doing-right-now” look, but it does not faze my children.

I am exhausted just writing about our typical Sunday. But, you know, when I get home on Sunday evening with sugar high kids, (they always ask for another cookie when I am immersed in a conversation and I nod to get them to stop interrupting) I never regret going to church. Despite unfinished conversations, distracted worship and missed sermons, something happens at church. God shows up. Not in a profound “slain in the spirit” way, He’s just there in the room full of people who love Jesus and are striving to live for Him. It is so good for me to be part of something bigger than myself, to remember that this life is not lived in vain, to remember I am not alone. I want my children to experience this, to learn that they are part of something huge and beautiful and messy and even as children they are invited to participate. And although it would be easier and more convenient most days, we cannot get this from a Veggie Tales DVD. So, again on Sunday, we will head out the door with mismatched socks, spit-up stained shirts, curse words on the tip of my tongue because at the end of the day it is completely worth it.

As per requested by Aunt Jill - Silas pictures

My Aunt Jill is my dad's little sister.  Growing up I remember sleep overs at her house - watching movies and playing games with her and my cousin Chris. It was so fun to go stay with her! In college, I crashed at her house and was introduced to the infamous Pride & Prejudice movie and struggled to stay awake. She is a wonderful aunt and does so much for her nieces and nephews. She is the 7th of 7 children and so I can understand her encouragement to get my 3rd child some blog time.

So without further ado - Silas in the last month or so.

Sick of the $%^T!!

Sorry to be so crass, but when you talk about cows, horses and 2.5 year olds in diapers, there is no other way to describe it.  The poop is no longer cute and manageable.  It is shit.

So it is in this spirit that we are approaching potty training.  Amos may not be ready, but mom and dad are.

The plan: nudity and bribery.  I mean come on, the kid gets to watch the ipad AND have a chocolate chip for just sitting there?!

Day 1 was a bit of a crap shoot.  Literally.  Day 2 I was thinking that maybe we were just shooting for the stars by trying to do this...

And then...

When we were all busy and not looking

  AMOS PEED IN THE POTTY!!!

Dancing and celebration ensued followed by the purchase of a new toy car.  (Did I mention that bribery is being laid on thick?!)

We are now on Day 3 and Amos so thoughtfully used his hands to take his poop from the potty chair to the toilet to flush it down.

And this, my friends, is progress.